Happy Opposite Day, everyone! In honor of this auspicious occasion, we’ve got some tips and tricks on how to use social analytics effectively – as long as you follow #OppositeDay rules. ;)

Family knows best

Social listening is way overhyped. You don’t need a bunch of analytics tools to tell you what you already know. But forget about your thoughts about your brand. What do consumers think of your newest products, your in-store experience, and your customer care? Consumers are just people – and you know a few, so ask them!

Your mom loves your restaurant’s menu? Your Millennial niece thinks Game of Thrones is the worst show on television? Your unmarried brother thinks jewelry is a waste of money? Consider your market research complete!

Certainly all Baby Boomers, Millennials, and bachelors would agree with these representatives. No need to look any further. And you definitely don’t need to know why your family has these opinions. It’s not like you’d make any changes just because they wanted you to. You know how to run your business, after all.

Make branching out more fun

A night out with the gang at brand headquarters is an excellent team-building activity – and you can also use the time to figure out where you want to open your next store, restaurant, etc. Place a map over the dart boards at your local pub, then challenge employees to a game.

Let the darts determine where you’ll open your next franchise. There are bound to be customers there – unless your dart lands in the middle of the Mojave. But hey, you’ll be the first Taco Bell, Chili’s, or Bank of America there, so… you win!

Sorry, Joe in Marketing has bad aim… #OppositeDay

Keep your eyes on your own paper

Maybe some brands worry about the competition, but you know what you offer is exactly what your customers want. So what if other brands do things differently? Or better? Your customers are loyal to the core. You don’t need to borrow ideas from others to succeed. And you don’t need to learn from others’ mistakes. You have common sense. Which always prevails on social media.

Ride out the storm

There’s no point in closing the barn door once the horse has run away – or so the expression goes. If a crisis descends on your brand, what can you do once it’s in motion?

Just wait it out. Eventually things will die down and go back to normal. Your customers will understand as long as you apologize. It’s not like you could have done anything to prevent it in the first place. You’re not a mind-reader.

Whatever you do, don’t let fancy words like predictive analysis cloud your judgment.

Trends schmends

Gimmicks and trends are for brands without tried and true products and services. This is a business, after all – not a day at the park. What does a kid named Charlie biting his brother’s finger, a Pikachu, or a silly, made-up holiday have to do with anything? Nothing, that’s what.

Your customers don’t have time for such nonsense. They want to know how fast your blender blends, how inexpensive your kids’ meals are, and how many varieties of shoes you sell. Just the facts, ma’am. You’re not here to make friends.

Don’t do this. #OppositeDay

Keep your insights to yourself

Your grandma has provided you with the perfect marketing campaign for seniors everywhere, but don’t bother everyone else about it. Customer Service, R&D, and Sales have no use for whatever information you’re using to sell your brand. Marketing data is meant for Marketing alone.

And remember, you can’t adjust your campaign once it’s live. So you better hope Grams knows what she’s talking about, or you may find yourself out of a job.

Equal and opposite reactions

Hopefully it’s clear we’ve got our tongue firmly in cheek – and of course tomorrow this post will automatically self destruct. For today, as long as you do the opposite of what we’ve advised above, your brand will be fine. Happy Opposite Day, everyone!

Want a one-on-one demo of how to apply social analytics best practices for real? Get in touch!

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